When people talk about ways to love yourself, they often talk about personal self-care, doing "inner" work, and not caring about what others think of you. We agree these are all great.
So it may seem strange to think about how others can help you on your journey to self-love. But sometimes, a different perspective is exactly what you need.
Try “Outsourcing” Your Self-Love
If you’re struggling with self-worth and can’t seem to find reasons why anyone even likes you, sometimes it can help to get out of your own head.
Reach out to those close to you. You have no idea what goes on in their mind. So instead of trying to figure out why people care about you - ask them!
It may feel awkward. But will be so illuminating!
Examples of Questions to Ask:
- Describe me in three words.
- If you were to describe me to someone, what would you say?
- When you first met me, what did you think?
- What was your first impression of me?
- What makes our friendship special?
- What do you think makes me special?
- What makes me interesting?
- Why do you enjoy spending time with me?
- What have I done in my life that you find interesting?
- What's a funny quirk of mine?
- What's the funniest thing I've done?
- What's the weirdest thing I've done (or do)?
- If I were a book or a movie, what type of book/movie would I be? What would the theme be?
- What is one unique quality in me that you admire?
- What's the most memorable moment, in your mind, that we shared together?
- What do you think will make our friendship stronger?
- What is the most adventurous or interesting thing I've ever done?
- What are your favourite traits about me?
- What is the most annoying trait I have?
- What quality/trait do you think I should change?
- Out of all the things I do, what do I do best?
- What do I do well?
- What could I do better?
- How do you imagine me in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? etc.
Seeking the opinion of others can be a two-edged sword. By that I mean, it can lead into the trap of caring too much about what others think about you.
The purpose of this exercise is not to over-analyze every little thing a person thinks about you; it’s supposed to help you get out of your own head and see yourself in a different light.
Most people - especially those closest to you - are likely to tell you all the wonderful things they adore about you.
Some may throw in a bit of constructive criticism, but that can be a blessing (depending on how they express their thoughts and how you respond to them).
If you do get constructive criticism from a friend/loved-one, this often means that they care about you a lot, and know you very well.
Look at it this way:
If they care enough to tell you all the reasons why they love being close to you, AND offer some thoughts on how you could be even MORE amazing… listen up!
These people KNOW you. They LOVE you. They SUPPORT you. They want to see you be everything they truly believe you can be!
Being honest can be one of the hardest things to do with someone you care about. But it’s only those who truly care about you, who will be honest with you.
Another thing to keep in mind is:
If you can’t ask them what they think about you, they likely either:
- A. don’t know you very well (& vice versa), or
- B. have a personality/beliefs that conflict with yours
Either way, there are always going to be people who you just don’t jive with. And that’s OK!
They aren’t your people. #forgetthehaters #ignorethehaters
The beautiful thing about diversity is, there are always going to be more people who do appreciate you than those who don’t.
These ARE your people.
Embrace them. Listen to them. Appreciate them. They need you just as much as you need them. We are social creatures after all.
Before you go ahead, take a deep breath, put on your “big girl pants” and ask someone what they think about you, make sure that those closest to you are in fact, your kinda people. If they’re not, you’re probably best off letting them go and seeking those who are. 🤗
Try This: Visualise Yourself Through the Eyes of Others
Think about it. If they’re so great, why do they hang out with you?
Something I find effective is to imagine myself as if I were one of my closest friends/relatives. This may sound weird, but stay with me…
When I imagine people I care about, I think of all the reasons that make them so great. I see them through slightly rose-tinted glasses.
I know they’re not perfect. I know they have flaws. But their awesomeness greatly outweigh their flaws. Besides, flaws are part of what makes people quirky, unique and relatably human.
Think back to your favourite, funny moments with loved ones. I bet that some of these moments are when someone accidentally did something silly or embarrassing.
Point is, there’s no need to beat yourself up for your own mistakes. Chances are, you made someone else smile!
Another trick I like to do when I'm struggling with my own self-worth, is to recall times that friends/family and I have shared together. I remember what it feels like to be with them.
Why on Earth… would someone THAT awesome, hang out with ME?! Could it be… that I am just as awesome?? 🤔 💡
Ever heard the term “misery loves company”? The same applies to the reverse.
Like attracts Like. It’s a Universal Law. I’m no scientist but I know when something is real, and this has been proven many times over.
You can’t have amazing people in your life if you, yourself, aren’t also… amazing.
#foodforthought #chewonthat #somethingtothinkabout