Accept Yourself the Way You Are - Flaws and All | WELL Aging Sun Care

Accept Yourself the Way You Are - Flaws and All

This may seem counterintuitive from our last post… which was an exercise to help get you out of your own head; to see yourself from another perspective; to detach from that “bully” internal voice.

While it can be helpful to discover what those closest to you think of you, the point of learning to love yourself, is to accept yourself; no matter what anyone thinks.

You’ll never be able to control what others think, say or do. What you DO have control of, is how you react to your external - and internal - world.

“Real confidence isn’t what you experience when everyone likes you — it’s simply being OK when they don’t. Confidence is the courage of not always being liked — and still getting on with it."
~ Susie Moore

Before you start looking at your flaws, it might help to first make a list of the things you love about yourself - and why. Don’t think about it too much. Just give yourself 30 minutes and start scribbling down whatever comes to mind.

Now, armed with the things you do love about yourself… it’s time to:

Take a Closer Look at Your “Flaws”

Again, this may seem counterintuitive. The point isn’t to over-analyze what’s “wrong” with you.

The point of this exercise is to realise that these so-called “flaws”, really aren’t that bad & they certainly don’t make you a bad person (unless you happen to be a murderer or abuser… in which case there’s a reason you’re that way and please seek help immediately!).

Maybe you think you’re too awkward, or always saying/doing something “stupid”. So what!? Everyone does!

Is it really that bad? Are you hurting anyone? If anything, you may be making someone laugh or helping them feel better about their own awkwardness.

Let Go of the Perception of “Perfect”

There’s not a single person on this planet (alive or dead) who has ever been, is, or ever will be, perfect.

Besides, what is “perfection” anyway? And who’s the judge?

Let’s face it - there’s no such thing as perfection. Flaws are what make us human. Diversity is what makes us interesting. It’s our differences that help us grow, learn and evolve.

Think about it this way:

  • Kids and animals are silly and make mistakes all the time. We still love them - in fact more so because of it.
  • If it was even possible to be “perfect”, and everyone had achieved such a state, we’d stop evolving.

Which is why it’s important to learn to accept:

  • that which you cannot change
  • how others act
  • the flaws of others
  • your own flaws

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

Going back to looking at your "flaws". It can be so relieving for you, and so refreshing for others, when you allow yourself to make fun of yourself.

If you do/say something silly or embarrassing, own it!

When you acknowledge how silly/embarrassing you were, you’ll instantly relieve any tension - both in yourself and others. Any (decent) human being, will likely appreciate your ability to diffuse the awkwardness.

When you make fun of yourself in a healthy way, you’re showing others your humanity and allowing them to accept their own.

This is an incredibly freeing approach - and will strengthen your relationships.

Sofia Dubois (played by Cécile de France)

Give Your Bully a Name

Years ago I attended an event where the speaker (Jesse Itzler - love this guy, very inspiring!) was talking about negative inner voices and limiting beliefs.

He told us that he decided to give his inner “bully” a name (Billy the Bully). Whenever that voice would start spouting off nastiness in his head, he’d take a mental step back to address the bully-voice the same way he would if he were witnessing an actual, physical bully picking on someone.

⁣This resonated with me.

I named mine “Nadine the Nasty” (no offence to the Nadine’s out there! I’ve met many nice - and some not-so-nice - ones. But my name is Nicole/Niki, so using an “N” name worked for me).

Giving your inner critic a name, a persona, helps by separating it from you - allowing you to “stand-up” for yourself.

Who is a bully after all, but someone who’s insecure and/or has lived through their own traumatic experiences?

That inner critic is your “lizard brain” trying to protect you. It knows you’ve had hard times and it doesn’t want you to have any more. Even though it’s being mean, it’s actually trying to protect you.

When you hear that bully in your brain, this is an opportunity to take a moment, recognize what it’s trying to do and what it needs to shut the “F” up!

By separating the bully, you’re able to see it for what it really is. This way you can acknowledge its purpose, let it know that it (you) will be safe, while firmly letting it know who’s actually in charge:

You.

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